satyapriya: Macchu Picchu 2009 (Default)
In the past couple of weeks, I've undertaken a Creative Non Fiction short forms course, and started Sage Priestess Training. I'm also doing the Pull Pen Paint tarot art journalling course, which is turning into a year-long thing. Loving all of it.
I have also started writing first thing in the morning as a regular practice, just a couple of pages here and there, dividing my attention between various projects, but mostly the spiritual memoir, the CNF homework, and the new writing memoir.
I do yoga once a week, walk most days, belly dance once a week, and grandparent in the cracks. Bit of gardening, bit of cooking, bit of parenting, wifeing, being with my pets.
Let's not forget reading. Never forget reading.
This is the happiest, most content I've been for a very long time. It's like the Bachelor of Arts I should have taken back in the 80's.
I am my writerly, witchie, yogini, dancer self, with a side salad of mother, grandmother, and wife.
Ironically, because of anxiety, I'm getting a referral back to the psychiatrist today, where I can tell her that I'm weirdly anxious, but quite happy, and not depressed at all.
Have not lost any weight at all, even with increased exercise, but I think I've moved it around a bit, so that's okay. It would be useful if I didn't scoff so much Cadbury Dairy Milk chocolate. But not as pleasurable.
satyapriya: Macchu Picchu 2009 (Default)
I'm sitting up in front of the tv tonight. I'm watching 'Downton Abbey' Season 2, years after everyone else. If that newspaper editor isn't the son of Michael Palin, I'll eat my hat.

The past few days, I've been crook. Not wholesale revolting crook, which I was the first day, but just slightly under the weather, with runny nose and dry throat rumbling like thunder down below the horizon. The constant state of debilitation that I experience is roaring. Yet, I'm frustrated that there's so much I want to be doing. I've had my fill of lying on my bed, reading. The book I'm currently immersed in is SEE WHAT I HAVE DONE, which is a retelling of the Lizzie Borden case. But even that has lost appeal.
I spend so much darned 'down' time that it's less a luxury and more a prison. And that's how I see fibromyalgia - a sentence. Depression, anxiety, whatever other label we could slap on me, my body is a prison!
I'm told that I need to change my attitude and accept that this is my life now. I refuse. I want my old body back, my energy, my focus and enthusiasm. I want to eat life with a serving spoon, not a teaspoon.
While I love my quiet days of art, tarot, writing, reading, gardening, and walking the dog, I also want my high-energy days of belly dance, of ballroom dancing, of grandparenting, and exploration of my surrounds.
No doubt, at least once a month, there will be variation on this theme, as I turn sulky, angry, or throw a complete tantrum. It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair!
Immune-compromised be damned! Give me health, vitality, enthusiasm, focus, and joie de vivre.

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satyapriya: Macchu Picchu 2009 (Default)
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