satyapriya: Macchu Picchu 2009 (Default)
I latched on to a vision of myself at about 15. I knew I was a writer, and would be a writer, and had had it pounded into me by various writing books that fiction writers don't make money. There were, as far as I knew, no millionaire writers, no multi-million dollar book contracts. Likely Stephen King, and Alex Haley, and Sidney Sheldon were making their marks in the world circa 1979, but I didn't read them.
The way to supporting oneself was journalism. Thus, Journalist Satya Vision was born. At 15, I saw myself at 40, alone in a hotel room, phoning in a story from some war-torn place. Outside the hotel, rubble-strewn dusty streets, and the sounds of gunfire and distant bombs. Inside my room, dim lighting due to dodgy electricity supply. Me on the phone, calling in a war story. And then sitting on my bed, looking at my scrawny, aged hands (at age 40!) and realising that I'd missed the good things in life - family, home, pets, children. Wondering what the hell my life was all about anyway.
That vision turned me against journalism. Not that I needed a lot of turning. Yes, I've written more than my fair share of articles, but not one has been a 'just the facts, sir' reporting.
The 60 Minutes lifestyle would not have suited me.
Where the fear of 'oh no, I wouldn't have that treasured family life' fear came from, I don't know. I wasn't a girl who played weddings with her dolls. (More like funerals, and a lot of sex) I planned on being an astronaut and writer, and my future self did not seem to be married or have children. Or if I was married, it was a means to an end - at that time, astronaut criteria included being an American citizen, and I figured the old 'marriage to an American' would fix that.
Likely, I imbibed the 'safety and security through a husband' stuff from society.
Anyway, I can now look back on Hardbitten Journalist Satya with amusement. That vision has not had a lot of power over me. I found my way into non-fiction writing through my Bachelor of Arts, and discovered I had a talent for feature articles, and personal essays.
I have continued on my way ever since, ranging across parenting and new age magazines, witchcraft mags, and belly dance sites. I continue my merry way through memoir and autobiography.
While this self-vision does not hold much sway in my life, I write it here as an intro to other blog posts about other visions that have clung much more fiercely, sometimes with teeth.
Hardbitten Journalist Satya signing off

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satyapriya: Macchu Picchu 2009 (Default)
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