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Psychiatrist for a meds review
Mar. 8th, 2018 10:09 amBit nervous about seeing my psychiatrist today for a meds review. Because anxiety has become a much bigger bugbear in the last ten years, I do need to address that. My herbal sleeping pills aren't keeping me asleep at night any more. My wonderful adaptogenic body has finally said 'hey we're used to this'. I've been relying more heavily on 1/4 of a Murelax sleeping pill, which I don't like doing, because I end up groggy the next day.
So, in for a meds review, which might mean a repeat of the 2015 disaster of coming off my Celepram before trying something new. In those two weeks of coming off Celepram, I got a fierce reminder of how life used to be. A constant hammering of 'kill yourself'. The world in full colour, but also full bitey, stinging, frightening noise, movement, and emotion. Crying all the time, afraid, night sweats, anxiety off the charts, convinced that people hated me. I am much saner medicated, and happy to remain so for the rest of my life.
Interesting side note that I did not have ANY fibromyalgia symptoms, such as body pain, while coming off the anti-d.
My psych was keen to try a med that might not just help the depression, but be more effective for the anxiety, and maybe help the fibro. I was keen. My brain flipped out at no SSRI, even for a short while.
Sigh.
It was suggested I spend the coming off time in hospital. I couldn't imagine anything worse. Stuck inside, with no opportunity for long walks in the sunshine. This is my favourite time of year. The light is softer, it's not as ferociously hot. Imagine me inside all the time, in a clinical environment, with hospital food.
No pets, not in my own bed, crap food, and no grandchildren.
No thanks. I can cry in hospital, or cry at home in comfort.
I've told PizzaBoy to help me stand against hospitalisation, and doping me up. I have things to do, stories to write, walks to take, and chocolate to eat.
The two cards I pulled from the Cosmos Oracle and Tarot deck were not pleasant ones, for this month. Unlike last month's Queen of Pentacles from the Fountain tarot, these two cards are all straight lines, with dark overtones. QP was all curves, and soft greens, just like the skirt I'm wearing today. There was a dead animal in one of the two cards. Ugh.
I'm mindful of the cards, but not going to deliberately manifest their energies by going into them any more.
I guess by 4pm today, I'll know how I'm proceeding over the next few weeks. Stay as I am, with maybe an extra pill to manage the anxiety, or weening myself off what I'm taking to try something else.
Okay, that's enough about this. To take my mind off 3-4pm, I think I'll make another attempt to visit Sprinkle Emporium to buy a dress for my book launch, which is now likely to be late April at the rate I'm going.
So, in for a meds review, which might mean a repeat of the 2015 disaster of coming off my Celepram before trying something new. In those two weeks of coming off Celepram, I got a fierce reminder of how life used to be. A constant hammering of 'kill yourself'. The world in full colour, but also full bitey, stinging, frightening noise, movement, and emotion. Crying all the time, afraid, night sweats, anxiety off the charts, convinced that people hated me. I am much saner medicated, and happy to remain so for the rest of my life.
Interesting side note that I did not have ANY fibromyalgia symptoms, such as body pain, while coming off the anti-d.
My psych was keen to try a med that might not just help the depression, but be more effective for the anxiety, and maybe help the fibro. I was keen. My brain flipped out at no SSRI, even for a short while.
Sigh.
It was suggested I spend the coming off time in hospital. I couldn't imagine anything worse. Stuck inside, with no opportunity for long walks in the sunshine. This is my favourite time of year. The light is softer, it's not as ferociously hot. Imagine me inside all the time, in a clinical environment, with hospital food.
No pets, not in my own bed, crap food, and no grandchildren.
No thanks. I can cry in hospital, or cry at home in comfort.
I've told PizzaBoy to help me stand against hospitalisation, and doping me up. I have things to do, stories to write, walks to take, and chocolate to eat.
The two cards I pulled from the Cosmos Oracle and Tarot deck were not pleasant ones, for this month. Unlike last month's Queen of Pentacles from the Fountain tarot, these two cards are all straight lines, with dark overtones. QP was all curves, and soft greens, just like the skirt I'm wearing today. There was a dead animal in one of the two cards. Ugh.
I'm mindful of the cards, but not going to deliberately manifest their energies by going into them any more.
I guess by 4pm today, I'll know how I'm proceeding over the next few weeks. Stay as I am, with maybe an extra pill to manage the anxiety, or weening myself off what I'm taking to try something else.
Okay, that's enough about this. To take my mind off 3-4pm, I think I'll make another attempt to visit Sprinkle Emporium to buy a dress for my book launch, which is now likely to be late April at the rate I'm going.
